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Sunday, October 30, 2011

Show Me Your Teeth

I know I'm not alone in finding a nice set of teeth to be very attractive.  And not just the cleanliness, but the size and shape.  Here are some teeth I particularly admire.

Ezekiel Jackson's teeth are very white, but they are also large and powerful, like the man himself.

Some may say Jomo doesn't have much reason to smile lately, but when he does, those teeth stand out!  (His beard really makes them pop, but I couldn't find a bearded smiling picture.  I think he's kind of too cool to smile all that much.)

Matt Striker's white teeth always stand out against his tan face.  So clean and handsome!

I've had a crush on Alanis Morissette and her teeth since "Jagged Little Pill"!  But it's her second album that's always been my favorite.  Is it because her teeth are featured so prominently on the cover of "Supposed Former Infatuation Junkie"?  Probably not entirely, but it doesn't hurt!

Poe is beautiful and talented, and her teeth have a very special place in my heart.  I had a back-row bottom tooth just like she does!  And I was so happy to see someone else with teeth like that.  When I was a kid, I needed horrible nerdy stuff, braces and special shoes for my ankles, but we couldn't afford any of those things.  Later, in high school, the dentist said the braces thing was a medical thing, it was that or break my jaw or whatever, so then the insurance covered braces and I had to get them.  And as my teeth straightened, I was a little sad at how they changed, and I kind of felt like a fraud.  But then in my first year of college, I was out of braces but used a retainer, but I stopped going to my orthodontist because for any of the appointments I would have had to miss classes.  And I took that first year of college very seriously.  I even had backstage passes to a Garbage concert in Chicago but I didn't go, because it was the week before finals.  (I haven't always made the best decisions.)  So then my teeth gradually went back to some of their former crookedness--not the medical hazard they used to be, but I feel better about it, much more natural.  And I love Poe's teeth for being crooked as much as I love Alanis' teeth for being straight.

Speaking of Poe.  If I had to pick just one album to say was my favorite album of all albums ever, I really, really think I'd pick "Haunted" by Poe.  It was originally released on Halloween 2000, which means it has an eleventh birthday tomorrow, which I can't believe.  Because I'm not very good with words, here is an online music store's review:

HAUNTED, Poe's second release, is a concept album inspired by some recordings she found of her late father's speaking voice. Poe sampled those recordings and incorporated them into a narrative that's ostensibly about her feelings for and relationship with her father. The more you listen, though, the clearer it becomes that HAUNTED is an album about the big issues that affect all of humanity (life, death, family). The effect of the dead man's voice framed by Poe's eclectic arrangements (rock, hip-hop, electronica and more) is an eerie one, but there's enough thematic consistency and solid songwriting here to make the album a powerful statement rather than just an exercise in nostalgic melancholy.

Saturday, October 29, 2011

Bull Of The Heavens

So, I've been doing this for a while now, and I've never mentioned Ezekiel Jackson!

Shame on me, too, because boy, is he worth mentioning.  So big, so solid, and...big.

When they introduced him, they even introduced him with Brian Kendrick.  Now, don't get me wrong; not every single guy in wrestling does it for me.  In fact, there are probably a lot more who don't do it for me than there are who do.  But the margin of people who do turn my crank tend to be pretty diverse, and Kendrick and Jackson are both people who can grab my interest any day.

It was always so cute, Kendrick dancing around like an excited kid (only clearly he was a fully-grown man!) while Ezekiel brooded, all slow and serious.  Ezekiel would take care of Kendrick, pulling him out of the ring at opportune times, attacking his opponents for him.  Sadly, we never got to see Kendrick vs. Ezekiel, and that could have been gold!

When I watch wrestling, I focus on one person or the other.  I need to concentrate; I can't really focus on two people's hotness at the same time, I like to devote myself fully to one person's hotness, and then if needed, I can go back to watch it for the other person.  (That way, even in matches where only one person does it for me, I can still get a lot of mileage out of them.)

So usually, in Ezekiel Jackson matches, I prepare myself to appreciate it for the dominance factor, as opposed to the jobber factor.  Not many people can manhandle Ezekiel Jackson, or really get much offense in, let alone defeat him.

So mad props to Mark Henry, for giving me the rare treat of seeing Ezekiel Jackson on the receiving end of a beatdown, for a change!

Seeing someone who's usually so dominant be uncharacteristically laid low can sometimes be more powerfully effective than a usual jobber getting squashed (although there will always be a place in my heart for that, as well!).

And, on a final note, Zeke's huge (huuuuuge) white shirt always looks so comfortable.

Friday, October 28, 2011

Randy Friday: Meet Ze Monsta

With Halloween approaching, one has to be on the look-out for...

...T-rex attacks!!  (Photo from Randy Orton's Twitter account.)

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Show Me The Funny

I enjoy it when people have a good sense of humor, when they don't take themselves too seriously.

You'll remember, I scurried to post about a televised Mike Mondo match, in hopes that others may be able to catch it.  If anyone did, then what you saw was someone who looked like they were having a good time.  He hammed it up, heeled it up, and blew on his thumb to inflate himself like a blowfish.  I laughed, and that's always fun.

Living in the heartland of America, it's impossible to entirely ignore country music (try as one might).  But you can't fully accept or reject any kind of music based on labels people give it.  And so, I've come to really appreciate Dolly Parton.  And, she's funny.  You can tell, even from the title of her album "Backwoods Barbie" that she doesn't take herself too seriously.  Anyway, one of my earliest memories is when I was a tiny little Stay (I hadn't Puft yet) riding in the car with my dad, and he was listening to the radio and "Bargain Store" by Dolly Parton played.  And even as a little kid, without caring about what songs mean or anything, that music moved me.  I was too young to decribe it, or use the word "haunting" or anything, but I always remembered that song, and years later, listened to it to see if it was as good as I remembered, and it was.

Chris Masters never particularly seemed to have a sense of humor, until one episode of Raw that saw him bounce his pecs to the tune of "Crazy Train."  After that, he suddenly had this fun personality, this big happy fun-loving guy.  And then they fired him!  I don't know, I give up.  Fortunately, being fired didn't seem to disrupt his upbeat personality any.  And look at him.  You will never be able to convince me he's not hot.  But why would you try to?  Jeesh, lighten up!

There's another wrestler, who I'd read about online and had always wanted to see one of his matches.  Well, I was finally able to!  And not only was he hot, he was surprisingly funny--I laughed!  Arrogant and insecure all at once, with this stream of talking that would not stop...!  Unfortunately, pending permission from a couple of companies to use their pictures or link to their websites, I probably shouldn't really even bring it up.  But his name rhymes with "Bobe Bander."

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

"Bamm, Bamm!"

Conan vs. Angel, Bodybuilder Battle 19

Today we take another look at Conan from Thunder's Arena.  Because my mind kind of works in cartoons, here is who I equated Conan with:

Bamm-Bamm Rubble (left) and Pebbles Flintstone

Bamm-Bamm Rubble.  The strength!  The blond hair!  The animal print, even!

Conan vs. Z-Man, Mat Wars 21

Of course, nothing is ever simple.  Complicating my shrewd deduction is a wrestler at Thunder's Arena who goes by the name of BamBam.

BamBam vs. Antonio, Mat Wars 26

Alright, he's cute, and he's got the animal print, even.  But to me, he may be BamBam, but only Conan is Bamm-Bamm Rubble.

Conan looks unimpressed; Conan vs. Angel, Bodybuilder Battle 19

Angel digs deep; Conan vs. Angel, Bodybuilder Battle 19

Conan...!  Conan vs. Angel, Bodybuilder Battle 19

Johnny teaches Bamm-Bamm a lesson; Conan vs. Johnny Bravo, Bodybuilder Battle 26

Bamm-Bamm hot doggin'

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Unfinished Business

Today, we have a few loose ends from previous posts that need wrapping up.  So like Wade Barrett in the image above, let's get a grip on things right away.  (Okay, that was lame, but fuck it, I don't need to justify opening with a hot picture like that!)

I brought up both Julie Brown and Elvira, Mistress of the Dark separately, and even compared the two of them.  However, I was remiss in failing to point out that the two worked together when Elvira made a guest appearance on Julie Brown's TV show, "Just Say Julie."  It was perfect, it was funny, it was everything you'd want it to be.  (They were having their periods at the same time.  That was fun!)

And speaking of Elvira, when I brought up her hunky movie co-star Daniel Greene, reader Mista kindly commented, and guided us to a clip from one of Daniel's other movies, Atomic Cyborg, or, Fists of Steel.

You can see, it was a pretty high-tech cyborg movie.

And yes, after years of frustration from the Elvira movie, we finally get to see him shirtless.  Pretty beefy, Bob!  (Bob was his character's name in Elvira, Mistress of the Dark, so it's primarily what I think of him as.)

I really love that sign in the movie!

And you can also see, Bob is a pretty intense driver.  I mean, his car even falls down a cliff and explodes.

Our boy Jomo is still a whipping boy.  Last night saw him take on Wade Barrett in another losing effort.

Again, the duality of loving jobbers: As these images attest, the sight of Jomo being manhandled is beautiful.

However, one can't help but fear that rumor may be true, and it could signal the end of a promising career with a company.


This was like a jobber match of old. During the match, Jomo was getting so little offense in, really just serving as Wade's punching bag, that I thought, "He can't go through all that and still lose. He has to win this one!"

Eventually, Jomo got the traditional jobber flurry of offense, but it wasn't enough, and Wade put him away handily.

Still, I feel grateful, more than anything, to see a match like this.  For now, there's no reason to fully believe rumors, or at least to let them impede on some hot jobber action.  So this wave of Jomo jobberdom is entirely welcome!

When talking about Mike Bennett, I compared him to Wade Barrett, though had no hard proof as to any actual simularities.  Below I present two images, Mike Bennett and Wade Barrett from behind.

I leave it to you to decide if their asses are quite similar, or if it's all in my mind.

P.S.  Guess who saw Joan Jett, bitches!  I'm sorry, that was more like Inner Arrogant Heel, not Inner Jobber at all.  You're not bitches.  I like you.