Translate Inner Jobber!

Saturday, June 17, 2017

My New Favorite Jobber

Who's that jobber?

It's Luke Lonza!

Ace Aarons vs. Luke Lonza in Jobberpaloozer 14.  Don't be surprised if he doesn't actually exist.  I think he may have sprung from my imagination and directly into BG East's roster.

Oh the youthful innocence, the hotness.  The catalog description did not lie, he really does say "Yes siree!" as he waits for the match to start.  And you say, "Oh no..." because he said something like "yes siree" at the beginning of a DVD called "Jobberpaloozer."

Yes, he is as doomed as he sounds.  At one point in his cries, he even says, "I'm sorry!"  Not that he's apologizing for anything he's done in the match or anything.  Cheat?  I think he never would.  I HOPE he never will.  He's this throwback...innocent...just...everything you could want and more.

And his opponent, Ace Aarons, was a perfect choice for his first match.  They play off each other perfectly.  Ace talks a lot, and I LOVE that in a heel.  He feeds well off of Luke's whimpers and cries.

Oh Luke!  Here's hoping for a long and devastating career in wrestling.  Here's hoping the heels just get nastier and nastier.  Dirty Daddy.  Kid Karisma.

Some of us have budgets that only allow buying this kind of DVD once in a while, a few times a year maybe.  And when you're spending that much, you stick to what you know, 'cause why take chances, and you play it safe and have a lot of Brad Barnes matches.  (Love you Brad, love you so hard.)  But in a case like this, just thank the wrestling gods I took a chance on Luke.  'Cause good gracious.  Luke Lonza.  Oh my stars and garters.


  1. One BG East heel you didn't mention. I would love to see this guy against Brute Baynard! Or if I'm aiming for the impossible - Brian Cage.

    1. God yes to both. Brute is so IMPOSING, I love his voice so much. And Brian Cage just looks like magic, really, like he was constructed and brought to life by a horny wizard, and he's always so FUNNY--in the best possible way. Also, Lon Dumont, who also takes a pleasure in picking people apart. And Lane Hartley! So many to choose from.

  2. aka pro Cam Gigadet. I wonder why he's wrestling for BG East?

    1. Oh my god, Cam Zagami! Watching this match, I didn't know he was actually an independent wrestler. Oh I love it when independent wrestling and gay-oriented wrestling worlds collide (not that there's EVER that much difference between the two for some of us). I'm not the most up-to-date on my indy wrestlers right now, but this was so neat. (I know you accidentally typed in Cam Gigandet, but that's how I found Cam Zagami, so thanks! And also, actor Cam Gigandet should wrestle too.)

  3. I watched this and I'm sorry but I have to disagree his sellingis awful and his narration is annoying. Even with his wrestler for hire matches I've had to turn off the sound because his cornball act makes me feel he's not taking any of this seriously. I'd be happy to pass on all his future matches with any company with jobbers who can actually sell it and not half heartedly fake it. If you have seen his actual wresting matches in the indys it's not much different just a pretty face with 0 skill. Ace steals the show luke is hopefully someone who give it up soon.