Translate Inner Jobber!

Saturday, June 24, 2017

Jobbers In Sleepers 3

Who doesn't love a good Jobbers In Sleepers video?  Well, if YOU don't, just ignore this post.  But if you DO want to see Jobbers In Sleepers 3, you will see such legendary sleepers as:

Ace Aarons vs. Luke Lonza

Frank Shamrock vs. Phil Baroni

Brute Baynard vs. Van Skyler

Joey Ryan vs. Brett Barnes

Friday, June 23, 2017

You Look Good In Pain


More dwellings on Van Skyler vs Brute Baynard from Jobberpaloozer 14 (which is quite honestly a fuck of a DVD and worth every penny, and if I was a spider I would spin a web above this DVD and in that web I would spell out "SOME DVD").

I mean YES both competitors are hot as fucking fuck (I mean you see that pink-clad ass above, right?  Oh great, now I've lost you...), but the narrative of the match works really well too.  Van Skyler wanting some mentoring from Brute Baynard.  Baynard giving it to him, in heaps.  More and more.  And then TOO MUCH.  And is it tough love?  Hurting Van to make him stronger?  Or is it just an excuse to hurt him?  I mean the derision and snide contempt are there in no short measure, which by the way is probably why free pro wrestling on TV will never REALLY completely 100% be a substitute for wrestling specifically aimed at a gay audience.  WHERE'S THE DERISION AND SNIDE CONTEMPT, BITCHES?!

But Brute as heel and Van as jobber, they both sell their half of the story perfectly here.  In this match, we have both men chasing brilliance like it was nothing.  (Okay, that's not mine, I heard it on a jazz review on public radio.)











IT'S SO HOT MY BODY ACHES Y'ALL.  I'm off to go bite something.

Thursday, June 22, 2017

My New NEW Favorite Jobber

Who's that jobber?

It's Van Skyler!

Yes, it was only a matter of time before I realized that Jobberpaloozer 14 had more than one match on it, and that the first match contained not only Brute Baynard, a heel I've talked about on Inner Jobber before (although not as much as I THOUGHT I had and that must be remedied), but what was for me a new find, the gorgeous Van Skyler.  I mean gorgeous as in FUCKING gorgeous.  The catalog description for this match at BG East's website talks about Van's "phenomenally round, muscled ass," and his "bedroom eyes and lush, inviting lips."  (Side note: I believe some wrestling bloggers even write match descriptions for wrestling catalogs, but there's something I could never do.  When I get enthusiastic, I tend to start sounding unintelligent and say FUCK a lot.)


This match, this Van Skyler vs Brute Baynard, just really checks all my boxes.  (Note to self: office-y sounding metaphors like "checks my boxes" are grossly inadequate when dealing with the taut primal stuff I want to talk about.)  Okay then, the match makes me want to bite something.  Brute Baynard is a perfect muscle monster, but then so much more.  He can say terrifying things in a calm, deep voice that clashes disturbingly with his violent intentions.  And then Van is more lithe, but still so solid and...steel.  Pretty yet masculine.

And something to note here: The size difference.  Just look at that.  Brute just DWARFS Van.  He could engulf him.  He could eclipse him.  He could contain him like a Russian nesting doll, and then Brute Baynard's Inner Jobber would literally be Van Skyler.



Those two images above, just look, not only at the size difference, but at Van's sweet, sweet face.  So trusting, so naive.  YOU POOR FUCKER, DON'T YOU KNOW YOU'RE ON A DVD CALLED JOBBERPALOOZER?!  (Sean Pford Pfun Pfact: People don't watch horror movies with me, by the way...)


STILL TO COME: Better pictures!  Clearer and more professional.  Because quite frankly today I just had to grab some quick screencaps to make SURE to get some pictures of Van Skyler's beautiful profile.  Because you don't always get those in action shots, and some of us enjoy a beautiful face from the side.  And oh my god that picture right above this one.  According to the website Brute is 5'10 and Van is 5'8.  And I'm like, That's a potent two inches there.  And then I'm like, LEAVE HIM ALONE YOU BIG MEANIE!

...FUCK!

Wednesday, June 21, 2017

Fever Breaking


Alright you guys.  Yesterday was the TENSION, and today is the RELEASE.  The images, the scenes from Ace Aarons vs Luke Lonza shown today are what the previous ones had been building up to.  If you're an Ace Aarons fan, you're saying, "ARGH, GET HIM, YOU FUCKER, YEAH!"  If you're a Luke Lonza fan, you're saying, "ARGH, SNAP OUT OF IT, GET UP YOU FUCKER!"  Because apparently you have QUITE the potty mouth and I am shocked.

((INSERT SENTENCES HERE WITH WORDS LIKE QUIVERING, BULGING, MEWLING, SINKING, DOMINANT, SWEATY, MEAN, BABYFACE...AW FUCK IT, HERE'S THE PICTURES, THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT TO SEE))








......FUCK!......

Tuesday, June 20, 2017

Fever Rising


Aw shit you guys!  Things are about to get a lot prettier around here!  And when I say prettier, of course I mean ugly!  And when I say ugly, of COURSE I mean devastatingly pretty.  Okay, well, what I MEAN is, in a couple days I'll be talking about my new wrestling obsession, as in my NEW new wrestling obsession, but in the meantime, my LUKE LONZA FEVER still has to run its course!  So get ready to rest, drink plenty of fluids, and call the doctor if the LUKE LONZA FEVER is accompanied by a severe headache, stiff neck, shortness of breath, or other unusual signs or symptoms!

From BG East's Ace Aarons vs Luke Lonza, with pictures provided by KID FUCKING LEOPARD himself, feast your peepers on THESE clear beautiful action shots...IF YOU DARE!








Jeesh, that last one.  It's like you can HEAR the screaming in the picture.  The tousled hair!  Ace Aarons bulging right behind you!  Look out, kid!

......TO BE CON-FUCKING-TINUED, BITCHES!......

Saturday, June 17, 2017

My New Favorite Jobber

Who's that jobber?

It's Luke Lonza!

Ace Aarons vs. Luke Lonza in Jobberpaloozer 14.  Don't be surprised if he doesn't actually exist.  I think he may have sprung from my imagination and directly into BG East's roster.


Oh the youthful innocence, the hotness.  The catalog description did not lie, he really does say "Yes siree!" as he waits for the match to start.  And you say, "Oh no..." because he said something like "yes siree" at the beginning of a DVD called "Jobberpaloozer."


Yes, he is as doomed as he sounds.  At one point in his cries, he even says, "I'm sorry!"  Not that he's apologizing for anything he's done in the match or anything.  Cheat?  I think he never would.  I HOPE he never will.  He's this throwback...innocent...just...everything you could want and more.


And his opponent, Ace Aarons, was a perfect choice for his first match.  They play off each other perfectly.  Ace talks a lot, and I LOVE that in a heel.  He feeds well off of Luke's whimpers and cries.


Oh Luke!  Here's hoping for a long and devastating career in wrestling.  Here's hoping the heels just get nastier and nastier.  Dirty Daddy.  Kid Karisma.


Some of us have budgets that only allow buying this kind of DVD once in a while, a few times a year maybe.  And when you're spending that much, you stick to what you know, 'cause why take chances, and you play it safe and have a lot of Brad Barnes matches.  (Love you Brad, love you so hard.)  But in a case like this, just thank the wrestling gods I took a chance on Luke.  'Cause good gracious.  Luke Lonza.  Oh my stars and garters.

Thursday, June 15, 2017

Tyler Wood


As you can see from the images, 6 foot tall model Tyler Wood has sometime sported short fuzzy hair, but I personally prefer it as you see above and below, with that little roguish bit hanging down on one side.  Also, apparently, he tried to confuse me by having used to be a blond, and it doesn't take a lot to throw me.  A wig and I'm fooled.  Not FBI material. I guess.


Also, he is apparently Men's Health's go-to LOSE YOUR GUT guy.  Makes sense I guess.  But that image above, total wrestling obsession material.  And it IS his gut (well, what OTHER people would call a gut) that makes that picture so hot.  (AND his smoldering face, AND the aforementioned roguish lock of hair.)  But seriously, that hardcore hard core, just begging to be grabbed and squeezed, and then toss him aside, but he's not down and out, not yet...!