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Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Jobber Jesus 2013

If God has no sense of humor, I'm going to hell for sure.  But then, if God has no sense of humor, I don't want anything to do with that God anyway.

So here are 2013's Jesuses of Christmas, or Jobber Jesuses.  People I would cast as Jesus if I were to make a Wrestling Bible movie.

Jake Jenkins

Jake Jenkins is beautiful suffering, and doesn't give up, no matter how long the suffering goes on.  (Granted, I've heard he's a heel sometimes, but not in the two matches I've seen, so that's what I'm going off of here.)

Besides, look at these pictures of him from Jobberpaloozer 12.  Can't you almost SEE the cross?

Aaron O'Connell

Aaron O'Connell can do "hot mess."  (See: His role as Wyatt on "The Haves and the Have Nots.")  He is the perfect combination of vulnerability and strength.

Of course, Jesus is entitled to some time with Mary Magdalene...

Johnny Handsome

Johnny Handsome of Cyberfights never stops fighting, even though both matches of his I've seen were triple threats that basically devolved into two-on-one matches against him.

Possibly more non-traditional in appearance than the first two for Jesus, Johnny would certainly make a stocky Jesus with a hot ass.  But you guys, come on.  The Bible never said Jesus DIDN'T have a hot ass.  Just sayin'.

Kid Brock

Back to BG East for Kid Brock, a great guy with a naive streak a mile wide.  He really believes the best in people.  His opponent challenges him to a pose-off?  No way would that opponent be planning a surprise attack.  His opponent may attack HIM between rounds, but Kid Brock gives his opponent ample recovery time between rounds, because that's only fair.  And why NOT help your opponent to his feet?  Why would you automatically assume that your opponent would take advantage of that and surprise attack you?  Kid Brock is the Jesus who sees the best in everybody, and when he sees the worst, doesn't give up on them.  The cynical part of me thinks this also sounds like "doormat," but if you want to be nice, you have to trust people sometimes.  Even if it makes you vulnerable.

Have a happy New Year's Eve, everybody!  Be safe!

Friday, December 27, 2013

New Legend

Now that Stay Puft's Big Gay Christmas is coming to a close ("Mommie Dearest!"  "Showgirls!"  Coming out to my best friend was worth it for the improved loot alone!), it's good to have something new to look forward to, like Kellan Lutz in "The Legend of Hercules."

Tuesday, December 17, 2013


Jobberpaloozer 12: Jake Jenkins vs. Jonny Firestorm

So the Stay Puft obsession with Jake Jenkins is back on, in full force.  (Was it ever really gone?)  What better match than Jobberpaloozer 12?  Voted Best Squash of 2012, you know it'll be welcome at Inner Jobber!

Now I've mentioned this before, but I'm not usually one for the pre-match rituals.  Flexing, posing, blah blah blah, just fast forward to the ACTION!  (Wonder what that says about me.  Actually, don't read into that.)  But when this match opens with Jake in the ring, warming up and going through the motions, shaking off an invisible opponent, I'm fascinated.

Monday, December 16, 2013

Deck The Halls With Van Der Veen

Knowing what a sucker I am for this couple, kindly Bruno (of Beefcakes of Wrestling) sent me the perfect Christmas card, as you see above.

Peter van der Veen is the perfect steely face and steely body to balance Lady Gaga's flights of fancy.

Sunday, December 15, 2013


Poor John Cena.  Usually when he appears on Inner Jobber, he's a sort of background to the post, the wallpaper behind Randy Orton's suffering, or some such.  It's not that Cena's not desirable on his own.  He assuredly IS.  When he started out as a jobber in shiny silver trunks, losing to the likes of Kurt Angle and A-Train, I was ALL ABOUT him.  His rubbery face is perfect for selling pain, and his body...Woof.  No complaints THERE.

The lesson here is not to take things for granted I guess.  Sorry for glossing over your hotness, John!  I'll try not to let it happen again.

Besides, by listening to his CD, I've learned a thing or two about our Mr. Cena.  For instnace, did you know that he "fucks like a fiend fiend fiend with three dicks"?

And no John Cena post would be complete without THIS:

Saturday, December 14, 2013

Extra Ezekiel

So I recently gave Inner Jobber a very slight face lift, adding a few images to give it a unified feeling.  I thought about changing up the banner at top even, but figured some things should probably be sacrosanct.  At the very very bottom of the blog you can see what the new banner WOULD have looked like.  (What do you think?  Should I have changed it?  Or just not mess with it?)  It's probably bad enough that I changed my profile picture, but for Inner Jobber, I just thought the new one was more appropriate.  Plus I felt like shaking things up a little.  Must be cabin fever.

Anyway, to keep things varied I tried not to use the same person more than once for the blog design, so I had to pick just one of the Ezekiel Jackson images.  Here are the other two, above and below, with the one I chose in the column to the right--do you think I made the right choice?

Friday, December 13, 2013

Again...Bitch Fandango

Guess what, Inner Jobbers?  When I was looking up Fandango images, I found WAY more "Bitch" than I did "Boss"!  But let me make myself clear: For this, I love you, Fandango.  So.  Fucking.  Much.