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Monday, July 29, 2013

Metal Dojo


Often I've wanted to be the kind of guy who was just really minimal.  Whose living area would just be all surfaces and metal slabs and nothing more than what is essential for survival.

And then I go out and buy an alarm clock that's on sale, shaped like a monkey that makes monkey screeching noises to wake you up.

I want to be the kind of guy who lives in like a metal dojo, but being honest with myself and following what I'm drawn to and stuff, it kind of looks like I live in the middle of Pee-Wee's fucking Playhouse, instead.

Which...I'm okay with.

He's hideous, but I love him.

Friday, July 26, 2013

Shocking News

I was looking at wrestling videos on YouTube, and accidentally reading the comments (which I should never do).  But this time, I found out something shocking in the viewers' comments.  Hold onto your speedos, Jobbers, because this is gonna hurt:

Pro wrestling is fake!

After being hit with this bombshell, I was asked by another comment to contemplate on a spiritual level why one would watch such gay-ass shit when one knows it's fake.  A valid question, indeed!  For example, I haven't seen that Marvel movie "The Avengers," and I understand that IT'S fake, too.  The fight scenes?  Choreographed!  The dialogue?  Scripted!  Fake shit!  However, I DID see "Man of Steel," but if I find out that THAT movie is as fake as wrestling, and wasn't filmed with hidden cameras capturing Superman's every move, I'm going to be seriously upset.

...Honestly.  It's kind of funny about pro wrestling, that it's the only form of entertainment where people feel the need to tell you it's fake.  Nobody says, "That's all fake, you know," about TV shows or movies.  And sure, when you talk about wrestling, you talk about it AS IF it was real, and that provokes people into reminding you it's not.  But when you talk about TV shows and movies, you talk about THOSE as if THEY'RE real.  And nobody feels the need to give reality checks to those forms of entertainment.

And BESIDES.  It's hardly a secret.  That whole "wrestling is fake" crap is about thirty years too late.

It's all pretty funny.

Happy Randy Friday!

Thursday, July 25, 2013

Stump


When I first discovered the art of Nathan M. Rosario online, I thought I had found illustrations of MMA fighter Matt Hughes.  Then it turned out that these were illustrations of Hank McCoy, AKA Beast (in his original human form), from the X-Men.  But THEN it turned out that Nathan Rosario did indeed use Matt Hughes as a reference for the images.  Something about Rosario's "Hank McCoy" illustrations capture what I've always found fascinating about Matt Hughes: Brute strength mixed with gentleness (maybe even something like naivete or innocence?).  There's also an old-school masculinity about Rosario's work that's a refreshing change from the ever-increasing presence of feminized men (not that that's not okay sometimes--see Wrestling Arsenal for more on this).



This illustration actually IS Matt Hughes.

Rosario has since created his own comic book character, Stump.


You can order Stump online here:


Stump seems to have retained a lot of the sensibilities that I loved from the Hughes/Beast illustrations: The unapologetic masculinity mixed with a certain Midwestern honesty and what (to me) looks like an underlying gentleness.

This isn't a wrestling comic; in fact, there's nothing intentionally homoerotic about it (so don't expect that).  But personally, I've ordered my copy and can't WAIT to read about what looks like the cutest strongest superhero, battling robots.




Did I mention that the art of Nathan M. Rosario also speaks to my Inner Jobber?  My favorite Star Wars character was always the Gamorrean Guard, frankly not a lot of people's favorite.  I loved them, I thought they were so cool and yet I always felt sorry for them.  (Especially that ONE.)  And lo and behold:


And then there's Animal Crossing.  A game I've played obsessively for years.  I recently read online about people not liking one of their neighbors, Tank.  And I thought, Harsh!  I love Tank.  And what did I find in Rosario's gallery:


I've always imagined Tank in human form as looking like Michael Elgin.


In conclusion: Stump.  Buy it.

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Chill


...with Justin Gabriel.




Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Andrew Bryniarski


I've only seen Andrew Bryniarski as Chip Shreck in "Batman Returns" and Zangief in "Street Fighter," but apparently, he's also been in a football movie, I assume from the pictures playing a character named Hottest Guy Ever.















P.S.  As you may have noticed by now, Bard (author, blogger and friend of Inner Jobber) has relocated to Word Press.  Visit the all-new Neverland and give him your regards!

Monday, July 22, 2013

Ranking Bodies

A while back WWE did one of those "25 Best Bodies" things.  Here are some of note, without too much griping.  (Although obviously Randy Orton and John Morrison should have been Number 1.  Yes, both.)  And never mind all the people (Steve Blackman for starters) they left off.  That's its own huge post.

23. Kerry Von Erich

21.  Lex Luger

15.  Batista

09.  Randy Orton

08.  John Morrison

06.  Rick Rude

04.  Dolph Ziggler

02.  John Cena

Saturday, July 20, 2013

Brian Patrick Wade


Brian Patrick Wade: Actor, personal trainer; 6'4".