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Wednesday, December 24, 2014

Two Little Ones


Happy Christmas Eve!

Okay, I'll cut to my favorite part of Forced to Flex: Ethan Andrews vs. Barry Burke.  Ethan Andrews has control of Barry Burke.  Stretching his torso, Ethan counts his abs, "One, two, three, four, five...there's only six, what the hell?"  To which Barry replies, "I have the two little ones up here!"

Sorry, but it made me laugh.

Some Ethan in control, and some Barry in control.  To ME, that means I enjoy it, and I would think you'd enjoy it whichever way you wanted it to go (whether you prefer big man dominating, or big man losing).  But from reading some comments, there are people who don't want anything that doesn't go 100% how they want it.  For the less picky among us, great match!

Plus, Brian "Barry" Cage's arms are just stupid big.  Seriously he impresses me.



Tuesday, December 23, 2014

Starting With A Big Bang


The first match I bought from CameronWrestler.com is a great one:


The hotness of the wrestlers: Through the roof.  Brian Cage?  Oh come ON.  He's so hot, that if you want to use the word "hot" to describe him, you have to take away the meaning of the word "hot" and start it all over, with Brian Cage being the first person to be called "hot," because otherwise all previous usages of "hot" will make calling Brian Cage "hot" a gross understatement.  The man.  Is.  HOT.  And Danny Duggan?  Also hot.  But while Brian's hotness is in kind of an honest, boyish, straightforward way, Danny's hotness is in this blond, smoldering, knowing way that I don't know if I'm describing adequately.

The suffering: Beautiful.  Brian kind of owns this one, so that might be disappointing to some, myself included AT FIRST--until you appreciate Danny's generous selling.  Brian is huge and ripped, a dream model for a life drawing class to see every muscle on display underneath the skin.  Danny may be less ripped, but his meaty fitness is absolutely NO LESS HOT than Brian's hyper-musculature.  It's just different kinds of hotness, and both being on generous display in the same match means that it can grab you no matter what you're in the mood for.

The senses of humor: Prevalent.  The verbal back-and-forth in this one is absolutely priceless.  Maybe some people think that joking during a match takes away the seriousness, but to me, it feels like evidence that the guys are having fun, enjoying what they're doing.  And that is WAY more fun for me to watch.  (Although there's room in my heart for serious, too.)

Fair warning for those of a sensitive nature: In their wordplay, sexuality DOES come into play.  For some, the slightest hint of "gay as an insult" is enough to take them out of the moment, and I'd hate for people to think, "Sean Pford, you motherpfucker, you didn't give me adequate warning!"  But BEFORE you leave here thinking either Brian or Danny are homophobic, let me put your mind at ease!  Because that is NOT the vibe I get in the least.  Everything they say is in a light-hearted tone (around Danny's grunts and screams of pain, of course).

DANNY:  It's okay, people get into wrestling for many reasons.  Yours is one of them...

They can make me laugh, and I never felt offended.

BRIAN:  I do get all the ladies.  Maybe even some of the men.  I'm just that good.
DANNY:  Gay guys get all the hot chicks.

But everyone is different, and you're not me, so who knows.  And seriously.  These guys know A: who this video is targeted to; and B: what they look like in those little trunks.

In a nutshell:  Watching these two beefy men grappling in clingy blue trunks is enough to make a gay man hard.





Unrelated side-note of limited interest: This was the first post I ever posted from a laptop.  Laptops are weird.  My fingers have never felt more like giant clumsy sausages.  And for some reason I kept typing "Brian" as "Brina."  And as I type THESE VERY WORDS, I notice Brian Cage's ass two photos up and my God but it's distracting in a good way.  And when I proofread, generally it's going back through and turning all the exclamation points into periods.  I guess when I'm first writing I'm all excited, but going back it's like, "Calm down Sean, stop shouting."

Monday, December 22, 2014

Redemption


The last time we saw Alex Waters and Dash Decker in the ring together, they were on the same team.  And ended up handcuffed back-to-back, getting abused and humiliated by their opponents.

Now, they face each other in a Rock Hard Wrestling King of the Ring match, best of five.  Here are two hot studs (BEAUTIFUL really) with bruised egos.  Each one REALLY needs to prove that he's the alpha (and you know, wipe that humiliating loss out of people's minds).

These guys feel just about equal, not just in subjective terms like hotness, but in wrestling ability.  This makes it so that this is NOT a squash match.  It definitely goes both ways.  But unlike competitive matches where I favor one person, so fast forward to get to the parts of THAT guy suffering, the guys in this match, like I said: Equal hotness.  (Dash's ass!  Alex's hair!)  So whoever's winning at any given moment, it's a pleasure to see him dominate (or rather, a pleasure to see his opponent dominated).

You'd think the fact that these guys teamed up just a short time ago, and after all were humiliated TOGETHER, would give them some common ground.  You know, have a match, get it out of their systems, shake hands.  But with the stinging memory of a humiliating defeat, any sense of brotherhood or comradery is out the window.  In fact, the match ends in yet another decisive, humiliating defeat.  So one lucky guy gets to consider his slate wiped clean, while the other poor jobber has to live with two excessively humiliating losses in a row.





Sunday, December 21, 2014

Not A Review

So I've ordered some videos from cameronwrestler.com, and I really love them.  And then I thought, I haven't been posting much lately, so I should talk about them on Inner Jobber.  But I want it understood that although I DO love them and will probably talk about them glowingly, I have NOT been asked to talk about them, and nobody knows I was going to post this and it's just me talking about what I like by the way, and really isn't meant to be taken as a review.  I'm not a writer, I'm not qualified to do reviews.  I just want to talk about what I like, and other people who like similar stuff can look at it.  So sometimes since you're talking about wrestling and matches and stuff, it tends to sound a little more "review-y" than you meant it to.  And see?  You suddenly switch from writing in first person to second person, with no logic or reason!  Not a qualified writer!

With all that out of the way, let's just get to what I love:


I don't know if you know how much I love Brian Cage.  I feel like I probably gush about him whenever I bring him up, but I also feel that I probably, sadly don't bring him up nearly as often as I should.

In describing Brian Cage, I've got to steal probably my favorite line ever that I read at Ringside at Skull Island: "Instant boners at my house."  (Thanks, Joe.)  I probably use the word "cartoony" when I talk about Brian Cage.  This is in NO WAY meant to be an insult.  It's just that everything that's beautiful and masculine about him is so...so...exaggerated.  (And yet not AT ALL to the point of being off-putting.)

The fact that Cameron Matthews has Brian Cage wrestling in his wrestling videos is perfect for me.  Goodbye straining your eyes on shaky-cam YouTube matches!  Not when they're delivering Brian Cage in big, clear, long matches (first at BG East, and now at cameronwrestler.com).

Okay, and I know he goes by Barry Burke at these places.  So I thought about not even bringing up the (obvious) Brian Cage-ness of it all.  But he DOES refer to himself as Brian Cage in some of his Barry Burke matches, after all.  With him, I do NOT get the feeling of someone trying to hide.  I pick up more of a big lovable goofball vibe.  He's funny in his matches--all the time.

So it's been a mega-thrill to suddenly have access to so much more Brian Cage (okay, "Barry Burke" for consistency) than I used to, so I'll start with the latest thing he's been in: Captured and Tortured.  There's more story in this than I'm used to in wrestling videos, and I'm also fine with straight-up matches, but even in those straight-up matches I make up a story in my head anyway, so they take care of that for me.  And the fantasy world where this story takes place, where guards look like Barry Burke and patrol in skimpy gear with giant fucking guns, yeah, I'm interested in stories taking place here.

Alright, one thing with Barry Burke, the size and the wrestling capabilities, he can't just always be a jobber, as much as I'd love that, not with any degree of credibility.  But along comes THIS video, where sure, he gets his offense in, but he spends a WHOLE lot of time on the receiving end (big thanks to Austin Cooper for THAT).  I mean the video starts with Barry getting chloroformed from behind.  "Instant boners at my house," indeed.






Yeah, all that Barry Burke, just how I love him...and this is only one match of two included with Captured and Tortured.  And who is involved in the other match?  Why, none other than another personal favorite and current Jobby holder, Brad Barnes!


Brad has always seemed so...I'm sorry, no other word for it, so SWEET to me.  Those doe-eyes, the smile.  So this match (which starts with him abducting the sizzling KARN who's new to me, and very welcome) is the most vicious I've seen Brad.  And STILL it's not long before the tables turn, and he's right back to being my sweet, in-over-his-head winner of the Inner Jobber Jobber Of The Year Award.  When KARN gets hold of a gun and has Brad at gunpoint, it definitely becomes the scariest "Forced to Flex" match ever.





Barry Burke's and Brad Barnes' asses WIN.  Maybe the stories, the fantasy, the guns, aren't for everybody.  But if you don't mind a little cheese with your beefcake, then there's really nothing to NOT love here.  (DAMN it, that ending sounded totally "review-y" again, didn't it.  Well don't blame me, blame LeVar Burton.  "You don't have to take MY word for it!")

Saturday, December 20, 2014

Poor Zack


A few weeks ago, Zack Ryder posted a video updating his status as injured.  I'm always impressed by his positive attitude and sense of humor (self-deprecating but without self-pity).  And as I find Zack in this video cute, sexy and sad all at once, I definitely can't wait for him to come back to action.


Friday, December 19, 2014

C-BAC: Juan David Echeverri


Happy Friday, and Happy C-BAC Day!  Today's Coulda Been A Contender, Juan David Echeverri, may be pretty youthful looking, but at 6'2 is a couple inches taller than the last couple C-BACs.

The dark skin contrasting against the pale hair and those EYES.  (Plus, the body, obviously.)  When he gets in the ring though, I don't know.  He DEFINITELY looks like a pretty little jobber.  He's gonna have to fight extra hard against that.













Thursday, December 18, 2014

C-BAC: Jimmy Thomas


It's not hard to find images of today's C-BAC, Jimmy Thomas (6'0, 220 lbs.).  He's a model who runs a site selling stock images for use in romance novel covers.  Seems to be pretty successful, so the only way he'll end up in a wrestling ring is if he decides it's something he NEEDS to do, for personal reasons.  To test himself.  Or because he has to get a lot of money quick so the evil landlord won't foreclose on his busty girlfriend's property, because she's nursing her ailing mother and can't get the money herself.











Also: That ass.