Zach Altovito vs. Ronnie Pearl (Good Lord)

Remember that time I got obsessed with Zach Altovito, and pretty much gushed about him, on the strength of one picture taken to promote an upcoming Wrestler4Hire match?  And speaking of Wrestler4Hire, did you ever really stop and think about how Cameron Matthews is like, THE kindest, THE sexiest, THE smartest man ever to run a wrestling website?  And I don't just say that because he very very generously gave me the match in question to talk about on Inner Jobber.  Not at ALL.

But could a match like that possibly deliver after all that build-up in my head?  Could Zach Altovito the wrestler POSSIBLY live up to Zach Altovito the fantasyman I had created?  Well, in both cases, the short answer is "Yes," and the long answer is "YEEEEEESSSSSS."

Okay, Zach Altovito vs. Ronnie Pearl.  Let's start with Pearl, who was a pretty big mystery to me.  I didn't know who Zach's opponent was going to be, and I had never seen Ronnie Pearl wrestle before.  Even sharing a ring with Zach Altovito, Ronnie Pearl is noticeably handsome.  He's a bit of a heel (okay, a LOT of a heel), and a guttural sufferer: His grunts and groans and whimpers and begging off and arching pelvis and smooth good looks make me think he must be the lovechild of "Iron" Mike Sharpe and Val Venis.  (And anybody who knows Inner Jobber at all will realize what a huge compliment that is.)

And Zach Altovito.  Let me tell you what about his masculine beauty attracted me: He's big and powerful, but with a kind face and gentle eyes.  And such is, pretty much, his wrestling persona in this match (the first of his I've seen, but not the last, not by a long shot if I have my way).  The nice, innocent lug naively accepts Ronnie Pearl's offer of a pre-match handshake.  Oh no.

Jobber 101: NEVER accept a pre-match handshake from a handsome wrestler with a well-groomed beard!  Ronnie takes advantage of his sneak attack and gets some work in, showing off both his own fine ass, as well as the powerful legs and hindquarters of my new favorite wrestler, Zach Altovito.

Considering Zach's size and strength, maybe Ronnie realizes how important it is to press his advantage, because press it he does, right into Zach's throat.

But here comes a wrestling twist.  Are you ready for it?  This is not a purely one-sided squash match!  It's back-and-forth and competitive.  Zach Altovito is no pushover, and is able to come back with moves of his own.  Including a bearhug or four, which basically you'll have been HOPING he would use, because he is BUILT to give bearhugs.

So here's my take on Sweet Zach Altovito.  While powerfully strong, he's gentle, good-natured, maybe a little naive (maybe enough to seem a bit dumb...?), BUT.  If a heel (like say, Ronnie Pearl) gets nasty and plays dirty, then Altovito can get rough too.  As he does in one of my favorite parts of the match, when he's pretty much just choking Ronnie Pearl with both hands.  As Ronnie gasps and splutters for utterance (or air), Zach taunts him: "Sounds like you can't breathe or something.  Having trouble?"

A beautiful wrestler whose fair-mindedness and naivete can sometimes lead to opponents taking advantage of him and making him a jobber, but who, when his sense of fairness is riled, can go on the offense, and attack when attacked...Is it any wonder Zach Altovito is my favorite wrestler now, on the strength of this one match?  (Besides, check out those legs in the photo below.)

Ahem.  In conclusion.  Zach Altovito vs. Ronnie Pearl.  Available soon from Wrestler4Hire.  It is good.  You will like it.

Wait a minute--Is he wearing Marc Merino's trunks from Max Quivers vs. Marc Merino (Knocked Out)?

Max Quivers vs. Marc Merino (Knocked Out)

So remember a little bit ago when I was on the horns of a dilemma, and couldn't decide which wrestling video to buy?  I ultimately went with Max Quivers vs. Marc Merino (Knocked Out), and I'm pretty happy with my purchase.

As indicated in its description at Wrestler4Hire, this match is a pretty straightforward squash job.  Now I understand where a one-sided squash can lose people: Sometimes you think, "Why doesn't he just fight back?  You know, try ANYTHING?"  If that gets too bad, you might even lose ME, although if the guy's hot enough, I can suspend my disbelief pretty freakin' far.  BUT!  THIS match works, because poor Marc is attacked from behind, sleepered, and chloroformed.  He doesn't get any offense in, because he never had a CHANCE, poor guy.  A believable squash.

And Marc Merino is looking pretty great here, by the way.  Like a beautiful wild-haired bodybuilding lunkhead.  Max Quivers is there to apply sleepers, and boston crabs, and occasionally chloroform.  This is definitely Marc Merino's video, and it's all about showcasing him.

And it does so beautifully.  The power difference is in full power here: Marc's in tiny trunks, and even barefoot, while Max is in a full suit, and even a wrestling mask.  One is fully exposed and vulnerable, while the other is safe and protected, down to his true identity.

And yet, Max Quivers appears to be so much less powerful than Marc Merino.  That's more of the jobber appeal: "Oh come ON, you couldn't do that if you hadn't CHEATED!  He'd be kicking your ASS in a FAIR fight!"

Fortunately, Cameron Matthews is pretty upfront in his video descriptions, so I can't see anyone who buys this match being disappointed in it.  If a video like this isn't your thing, you probably wouldn't buy it in the first place.  And if the description sounds up your alley, you'll probably enjoy it.  I certainly did.

Unleashed

Chace LaChance vs. Flash LaCash ("Unleashed," at Wrestler4Hire) is everything I could want in a squash match.  Chace, as the jobber, starts off friendly and enthusiastic and willing to shake hands.  He's beautiful, buff and lightly hairy, and his trunks work overtime to highlight one of the most perfect asses in the developed world.

Flash, the heel, goes about his job of destructing poor Chace with sadistic glee.  His actions are brutal, and seem all the more so in contrast with his constant gleaming white smile.  As he works, he constantly deflates and humiliates Chace.  "From Italian Stallion to Ballerina Pony."  After a match full of verbal and physical punishment, our babyface once again falls for the ol' crooked handshake trap.  As much fun as Flash seems to be having in demolishing naive Chace, he (Flash) makes it clear, with two sleeper holds and an outright mugging, that though he enjoys his work, he takes it deadly seriously.

Black Sheep Wrestling Domination

Here's a new wrestling music video, featuring plenty of hot jobbers being decimated by a big burly heel.  With some randomness thrown in, for your enjoyment.

Braun Strowman vs...

Americo

Americo

Fandango

Johnny Knockout

Corey Hollis (AKA Evan Anderholm)

Fandango

Johnny Knockout

The Usos (because Braun getting beat up is sexy too)

Fandango

Corey Hollis/Evan Anderholm

Americo

Corey Hollis/Evan Anderholm

Johnny Knockout

Americo

James Ellsworth

Ran Away And Joined The Circus

Once upon a time, WWE very very stupidly fired my favorite most hottest wrestler, Mason Ryan (Twitter, Instagram).  But that worked out okay for him, because he ended up working as Chief Archer in "Ka" for Circque du Soleil.  (Kind of old news by now, but I only just found out.)  So, it turns out alright for me too, because that's a few of my favorite things: strength, athleticism, and Mason Ryan in Siouxsie Sioux warpaint (that he does himself).