Translate Inner Jobber!

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

No Light, No Light

The sky the other morning was clear and bright and blue and beautiful, but winter cold, offering no warmth.  Similarly, Raw had some of my favorite people in it, but still left me cold.  I'm starting to seriously consider giving up watching Raw and SmackDown, and sticking to DVD's, and maybe Ring of Honor.  Last Monday's Raw, I don't know, I even got my usual approximately 40 minutes of good stuff recorded from the two-hour broadcast, but it still left me feeling pretty bleak.  And life's pretty short to be spending two hours of mostly unappealing idiocy in order to gleam the few shards of light.


According to rumor websites, however, it was also John Morrison's last episode, and it was predicted that they would job him out to someone big time on his way out.  Lo and behold, the predictions were correct, it happened as it had been told, like a prophecy coming to fruition.  Not really a big surprise; it had been predicted for some time that Jomo was on his way out.  Hm, maybe wrestling would be more fun if I could make myself not read those rumor boards.  Nah, it's not just that, it's the commentating, the blatant misuse of good talent, I won't go on.

Rumor had it that Brodus Clay's long (loooooooooooong)-delayed debut would be squashing Jomo.  I wouldn't have minded that; I think he's pretty hot.  In a non-traditional way, sure, but it works for me!


Instead, Jomo destruction duty went to The Miz.  I've always been kind of lukewarm on The Miz.  Switching to trunks was a good move on his part.  But for the most part, the hotness of his opponent is integral to my attention span in his matches.  Of course with Jomo as his opponent, I'm on board.

It's sad, knowing that may have been (probably was) his last match there, and not knowing when or where he'll appear next.  But still, in the way of jobber appreciation, it was very hot.  Foreign objects, some token offense, but ultimately the heel standing over his jobber, who he's laid out cold.













"No light, no light in your bright blue eyes..."

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Boom Swagger Boom

Thought I'd like to share a few pictures of Mason Ryan, although uncharacteristically for him, on the receiving end of some pain, here in a match against Jack Swagger.



Of course, I don't have much to share in this vein, as Mason Ryan did end up winning the match...



I'm kind of trying not to swear anymore, but look at him.  Jesus Fucking Christ.  I think I might be gay.


That would have been a pretty short post, so here's a bonus.  Cody Rhodes may not be my cup of tea, but I know there are plenty of other people out there who "dig" him, so here he is with Mason Ryan in their Survivor Series match.  I believe your Cody Rhodes even eliminated my Mason Ryan.  So, grr.  (And sorry to swear again, but look at Mason's sexy jaw and white teeth in that bottom picture.  Holy fuck.)


Monday, November 28, 2011

Sunshine Superman

Sean Casey

I first saw Sean Casey in a match on a Jobbers of the '90s DVD I had ordered from someone online.  (Sadly, when I tried to order an entire DVD dedicated to Sean Casey, I could no longer get in touch with the guy.  He must not sell DVD's anymore.  Wonder how he's doing.  Hope he's doing okay.)  Anyway, I fell in love with Sean Casey.  The cascade of bleach blond hair, the fact that Kevin Sullivan brutalized Sean before Sean could even get out of his sleeveless denim jacket, which was ripped off him in the course of the match.  Yeah, he had no offense.  I was in love.


So yes, I became a fan, and I've only ever seen him in that one match.  (YouTube is a necessary evil sometimes, but I prefer to watch my wrestling on TV when I can.  My computer, sadly, is not in a very private place.  Which makes it interesting to try to find times to post here, sometimes writing little bits at a time.  But I digress.)  So imagine my surprise when, last Saturday, watching Ring of Honor, my man Michael Elgin had a handicap match against two men: Raphael Constantine, and Sean Casey!

Michael Elgin

Now, that Kevin Sullivan match was in the '90s, so it was surprising to see Sean Casey looking so good.  He had the exact same hair.  When I first saw him, I thought, "That's not Sean Casey, is it?"  But lo and behold, it was.  Constantine was a pretty cute jobber, small and lithe and limber.  They both did an impressive job (oh hey, "job," I made a funny) against Elgin.  They all got to play to their strengths, anyway: The blonds looked good getting beaten up, and Elgin looked good being powerful.  (Click here if you'd like to read about an instance of Elgin getting beaten up.)

Raphael Constantine

Sean Casey has also posed in Playgirl and danced for Chippendales.  So maybe he's not some people's type around here, in the rough-and-tumble world.  But, I like him.
















With Rob Zombie (Why not?)

Sunday, November 27, 2011

Violent


Alistair Overeem is set to fight Brock Lesnar on December 30, 2011, at UFC 141.


Couple of thoughts about this.  Firstly: Boy, do I hope Alistair wins!  This is an instance where diversity is in full effect, but I have no logical explanation.  I just do not like Brock Lesnar.  He does not do it for me.  And I couldn't tell you why.  He just leaves me cold.  Alistair, on the other hand, absolutely commands my attention.  I get nervous before a fight like this.  I hope my Jobber Curse won't affect Alistair.  But people I like, and people I cheer for, end up jobbers.  If John Morrison and Phil Baroni find out, they'll be pissed at me.  (I don't know why it didn't affect Randy Orton the same way.)


Secondly, I'd stay away from MMA if it wasn't for such hot guys luring me in.  But it's so real.  I know the athleticism of professional wrestling is indeed very real, but I also like that the goal is to put on an entertaining show without injuring one another.  The fantasy makes it so much safer.  Guys really going at it, I don't always like to watch.  But Phil Baroni getting put to sleep by Frank Shamrock...that just does me in every time.  (Which makes me feel extra guilty and a little evil.)


When Joe, at Ringside at Skull Island, mentioned Rock Hard Wrestling's Jake Jenkins making his MMA debut, it made me think, "No!  So pretty!"  It made me sad to think of him getting hurt.  (True, Joe's blog is the only place I've seen him, but I still thought, "No!")  Maybe I'm not being fair, though.  Maybe I'm underestimating people's toughness.


Besides, sometimes, you have a really hard day, and you're mad at the world.  Sometimes, it is really good.  Sometimes, it's really satisfying.

"We want it intense, we want our violence..."

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Grateful

With Thanksgiving over and Christmas revving up, I thought I would take maybe a belated moment to be thankful.

Bruno Sammartino

16 followers!  Humble as that sounds, it really is more people than I thought would read this!  I'm honored that any of you tune in, so thank you. 

Shawn Stasiak

It's so fun to find like-minded people through blogging!  People with interests similar to mine--but then it extends beyond the hotness of wrestling!  Bruno caught my Lady Gaga "Teeth" reference.  NotFelixUnger also loves Siouxsie.  And either an anonymous reader, or a reader named Anonymous, recognized my reference to Witchiepoo!  (For those not in the know, I give you: "Oranges Poranges.")

Witchiepoo

So, all this blogging and talking and kind of being open and stuff made me really nervous at first, but it turns out to be pretty fun!  Extra special thanks to Bard at Neverland for encouraging me to start, and even giving me a platform to give this whole blogging thing a test drive.  Bard has been a good friend to me, and never expressed annoyance at me even when I kept e-mailing him and I felt like the little dog at 1:04 of this cartoon.

Bard (left) and Stay Puft (right)

Thank you to Man of 1000 Holds.  Wrestling Arsenal was one of the first wrestling websites I found that focused on the beauty of wrestling.  Through the years, the site would change format and locations, and I'd lose it and re-discover it again, but it's always been a mainstay.

Evan Karagias

Joe and Bruno!  I know I shouldn't lump them together like that, because their blogs are very distinct from each other, each with its own great vibe.  But every time I think I've discovered someone new, usually both of them have several posts on my new find, which is a great way to get caught up!  And sometimes, I find my new people directly from them, and I always appreciate that, too!  And the frankness, honesty, and openness of Piledrive U! is truly inspiring to me!  Sometimes lacking courage myself, I'm grateful to see it in others.

Tom La Ruffa

Rants, Roids N Rasslin is a beautiful site of original art, hot hot hot original art.  It was finding that blog that eventually led me to finding Bard, Bruno, Joe, and all the others.  It was e-mailing the artist, John Savage, and receiving a gracious response that gave me the courage to e-mail others, and answer their e-mails when they contacted me.  I've actually made new friends from all this blogging, and for somebody whose kind of a jobber at having a social life, that's a pretty big deal!

Maxx Muscle

Oh, and I feel grateful to M.I.A., for writing music I absolutely love, including "The Message," which proved to me that I'm not the only one who worries about the government watching us on our computers.  That's why I never use words like bee-oh-em-bee, or em-ai-are-eye-jay-you-ai-en-ai, and why I sometimes get nervous about the "Fuck Wrestle Shoot" game.  (I'm not really planning on doing any of those things to any of those people, mysterious sir or madam!)

M.I.A., Maya Arulpragasam

And I love the song "Paper Planes" too, and then I heard it being used in a commercial for "Pineapple Express," which got me interested in that, because it made me think, "Yea!  That's M.I.A.!", and so then I was introduced to James Franco, and I'm grateful for that, too.  Thanks, Maya!

James Franco

So truly, I feel grateful!

Chris Masters

P.S.  Here's a secret.  You know that Looney Tunes dog up there, the big bulldog?  I've always kind of thought he was hot.